Thinker

Kalimat yang muncul entah darimana asalnya

2012-01-31T20:54:00.000+07:00

In the middle of learning how to put a complete song on my power point,

N : Apply to all itu dimana ya letaknya?
T : Effect options
N : Oke thankyou!
T : Oh ya, itu cuma copy link lagunya loh jadi begitu dicoba di pc lain ya ga bisa
N : Kenapa ga bilang dari tadi duh
T : Karena peringatan itu ditulisnya di bagian bawah tutorial yang gue baca
N : Then what should I do???
T : Start loving someone.

Oh, great.

2012-01-27T17:31:00.000+07:00

Nggak, gue ga minta lo buat ngehargain perasaan gue.

Tapi tolong coba hargai perasaan mereka yang memiliki perasaan sama dengan lo, would you?

They said,

2012-01-27T17:16:00.001+07:00

They said they'd understand, but I know they don't and I know they are not even try to. And instead of trying to fucking understand why I did this or why I did that, they put their egoism so high they want me to give a fuck for their feelings. The only feeling they prioritize is their own not anyone's else not even mine.

They said they're tired. For their fucking information, me too. Much more tired, more than they can ever imagine. They said they're tired to be in this situation. For their fucking information again, me too. But I know, they don't even want to know. And they, they don't even care. Because again, the only feeling they prioritize is their own

They said they want me to be happy. It makes me wondering again, what the fuck are their definitions of happy. Because looking from what they did to me, they didn't bring me closer to any fucking kind of happiness, they pulled me away from happiness instead. And every single time I got pulled away from my happiness, I saw them got closer to their happiness. Again and again, the only feeling they prioritize is their own.

I've tried to taking care of your feelings guys, but what's for anyway when you don't even taking care of mine? I'm done oh I'm so fucking done. I'm done giving my fuck for you, I'm done giving fuck for your feelings and not giving any fuck for mine. I'm telling you, I quit.

Who are you.. to them?

2012-01-26T19:57:00.005+07:00

Pernahkah terlintas dalam pikiranmu pertanyaan ini,

"mereka menganggap aku apa?"

I mean, mereka disini could be your friends, your bestfriends, or maybe your crush. Apakah kamu sadar, mungkin kamu menganggap mereka teman kamu, tapi bisa saja ternyata mereka menganggap kamu hanya sebagai stranger. Atau bisa saja kamu hanya menganggap mereka teman biasa, tapi mereka menganggap kamu sebagai sahabat kamu. Bagaimana jika begitu?

Pernahkah kamu pertanyakan secara gamblang kepada mereka,

"Kamu menganggap aku apa?"

Honestly, I've never asked that question to anyone, siapapun itu.

Karena menurutku, aku menganggap mereka sebagai temanku bukan berarti mereka harus mau menjadi temanku juga. Aku menganggap mereka sebagai sahabatku, bukan berarti mereka harus mau menjadi sahabatku juga. Dan kalaupun aku tahu bahwa mereka tidak menganggapku sebagai teman mereka atau tidak menganggapku sebagai sahabat mereka, aku tidak akan memutuskan tali hubungan antara aku dan mereka. For me, pertemanan bukanlah suatu hal yang mengharuskan kedua belah pihak mendapatkan timbal balik yang sama.

I thought everyone would have the same idea with me. So I thought no one would ever asked that kind of question. I thought, 'who are you to them?' obviously not an important question, it's not even a question that supposed to be answered, no?

But then, I've got one bbm this afternoon, it said,

"lo nganggep gue apa?"

Yes, it really does change my mind. My whole mind about this question.

Is it really important to know who am I to them?

Is it really important to know who are they to me?

Is it really that matters to you?

Mature

2012-01-24T13:35:00.000+07:00

Salah satu cara menentukan tingkat kedewasaan;

Saat kamu dihadapkan pada pilihan yang tidak bisa kamu pilih,

tetapi kamu diharuskan untuk memilih mana yang lebih di prioritaskan.

Dan kamu,

kamu berhasil menjadi dewasa ketika keegoisan kamu kalah berperang.

17!

2012-01-23T17:54:00.000+07:00

Bismillah,

17 years old from now on.

Why do I always screw everything up?

2012-01-23T11:58:00.001+07:00

I'm sorry about what happened before.
I'm sorry for being an asshole.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry for being such a fuck up.

I didn't mean it, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Tick tock tick tock

2012-01-20T18:28:00.000+07:00

Tadi pagi gue baru sadar kalo besok udah tanggal 21 which mean in the matter of hours, I'm turning 17. Itupun gue inget karena diingetin sama anak-anak. Jujur, baru kali ini gue lupa sama ulang tahun gue dan ngerasa galau karena besok ulang tahun. Padahal tahun-tahun sebelumnya, gue selalu bersemangat dalam menyambut hari kelahiran gue karena I always feel a little more special on that day.

Bukannya gue ga seneng menjadi 17. Gue seneng kok besok gue jadi 17 tahun, gue bisa dapet KTP sama SIM yang sudah gue tunggu-tunggu sejak lama dan gue juga ga sabar memasuki zona 17 yang diartikan sebagai zona legal. Bahkan untuk nikahpun gue legal... Tapi, entah kenapa, walaupun gue meyakini diri gue untuk menjadi bahagia karena gue akan memasuki zona yang gue tunggu-tunggu, gue tetap takut sekali menjadi 17 tahun.

I was just realize that being 17 isn't just about entering the legal zone, but being 17 is also entering a phase of being an adult. Sadar bahwa menjadi dewasa bukan hanya tentang memasuki zona legal, tapi juga mulai memiliki tanggung jawab sendiri atas segala pilihan yang gue pilih. Sadar bahwa sebentar lagi gue akan memasuki dunia kuliah lalu dunia kerja lalu memiliki keluarga sendiri. I know right now I'm being a victim of my own mind dan pikiran gue sudah melanglang jauh buana crossing it boundary, but still I couldn't get all these bad thoughts of being an adult out of my mind.

The truth is, I'm afraid when I grow up things will never be this beautiful again.

And the truth is, I think I'm not ready being an adult.. yet.

Tolong, tolong sekali, doain gue agar gue bisa siap memasuki umur 17 tahun. Yakinin gue bahwa menjadi 17 tahun, atau tepatnya menjadi tua, tidak seburuk apa yang gue pikirkan. Yang gue butuhkan kali ini sepertinya cuma itu. Tidak lebih.

P.S

2012-01-18T17:10:00.000+07:00

Barcelona, November 12th 2012

Smile for the world,

and the world shall smile for you.

:-)

"You are responsible for your own happiness"

2012-01-17T19:52:00.002+07:00

Ever heard quote that said, "you are responsible for your own happiness"? Mean it, people. I am responsible for my own happiness, and so are you. So why don't we just taking care of our own happiness? I mean, everyone have their own definition of happiness. I have my own and of course you have your own definition. That's why we can't go rule-ing anyone's happiness the way we like, the way we choose, the way we want, because maybe your definition of happiness is not as same as their definition of happiness. Don't give any fuck for anyone's happiness, people. It's not your business and not mine either. It's their own responsible.

Go give a fuck for your own.

Surat Keterangan

2012-01-16T19:10:00.000+07:00

Saya yang bertanda tangan dibawah ini,

Nama : Nadhira Prisari

TTL : Jakarta, 21 Januari 1995

Hobby : Menyebarluaskan masalah

Koleksi : Masalah

Kelebihan : Menciptakan masalah

Kekurangan : Tidak mengerti bagaimana caranya menyelesaikan masalah yang ia ciptakan

menyatakan bahwa mulai saat ini akan berusaha lebih baik lagi untuk mengurangi kebiasaannya menciptakan masalah tanpa menyelesaikannya serta menghadapi satu-satu masalah yang ia ciptakan dan bukan lari dari kenyataan.

Jakarta, 16 Januari 2012

2012-01-15T17:15:00.003+07:00

"Please don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me. I always say how I don’t need you but it’s always gonna come right back to this. Please, don’t leave me."

Chapter 2012, page 14 of 366

If it's special for you then it's special for me too :-)

I think you look like a barbie. You're pretty.

2012-01-10T21:42:00.000+07:00

..But no matter how pretty you are, you're just a doll.
And dolls were meant to be played.

Kiss you here, touch you there, undress you anywhere.

2012-01-06T12:37:00.000+07:00

..And the game is over.

Try again or quit?

Fudge

2012-01-04T20:51:00.001+07:00

Girl, here's a thing you should know about me. I'm not the type of seniors who would hate their juniors without any single reason. Actually, I would like to be friends with juniors. But you, oh you, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. You seem deliberately want to make trouble with me, girl. At first I was okay when I found out that you flirted with all the boys around me, surely I was okay with that. In fact, I was happy to see you flirt with them because it could made me laughed so hard watched you fail to seduce them. Then I found out you started to flirt with my brother. Really? My brother? Are you ready enough to hit by a car right after school? By my car, for clearly information.

Go flirt with all the boys out there, I don't mind, it's none of my business tho. But when you flirt with my brother, I'm gonna kill you. And a few secs ago something crossed my mind.. Why from millions boys out there, all you choose are mine? AND MY BROTHER? Stop, enough. Not mine again bitch. I don't like to share things, moreover to share people.

See? I don't like cursing, I don't like swearing, I don't like talk rude with other people. But you, oh you again, you can make me utter those unkind words so easily.

I don't give a shit if you know me or not and I don't give a shit if you are, intentionally or not, choose me to be a senior you would like to have a problem with. I tell you, I'm not the right one to have a mess with, darling, I am totally not the right one. I may seem like the chillest with all the juniors rather than all of my friends, but once you reach my highest level of anger, I would, I mean, I REALLY would slap your big head with my swallow sandals. And when my girls know I reach my highest level of anger and they know that you're already cap the climax, then you are so done. You really are girl, you really are.

Wanna know what? You hit the highest point of my anger.

Get ready, I'm about to explode.

Congratulation, you got theirs already

2012-01-03T22:29:00.002+07:00

Do you know what's the easiest way to get my heart?
Go get my family and my bestfriends' hearts and you will automatically get my heart.

2012 resolution : SURVIVE

2012-01-02T19:21:00.002+07:00

Good evening, good people.

Happy new year, I hope that this will be a great year for any of you. Already make resolutions for 2012 yet? Getting married? Having a new boyfriend? Graduation? Or maybe planning to step one of your best friends in the back? It's none of my business, anyway. So, is anyone feel weird to see year 2012 on your phone calendar? I feel weird. I used to see and write '2011' for the last 365 days and now I'm going to see and write '2012' for the next 366 days. Yes, sometimes it's strange when we get force to accept the changes. Sorry, I talk about date, not the one you love.

How was your new year's eve, guys?

I spent my new year's eve with my girls at my apartment and Samarra cafe, Kebon Sirih. Listening to DJ and some people were dancing and drinking and smoking and I myself sat on my chair, tried so hard to not throw up. I don't really like bar, actually. All those progressive songs, dance floors, beers, cigarettes, and stuff and stuff, those are not my things. But as long as I'm with my girls, I know everythings gonna be fun. They know how to make bad things turn out good. Soooo, I actually had a good time last night, specially when the clock hit 12 a.m. Fireworks started blasting everywhere and DJ played 'fireworks' by katy perry and people blowing their trumpets and saying 'happy new year' to each other. Me and my girls were embracing each other and sang together. In the middle of the fireworks and song, we made a circle and prayed together and in the end, we did a group hug. Felt so good after all.

Anyhow, that was our last new year's eve being high school students and I'm kinda sad for it.. Sigh. 2012, the year of reality... I realize that I'm turning 17 years old this January. When I was a kid, 17 was a big number and people who are 17 years old are so big and old. I suddenly hate 2012 for making me old. 2012 is also gonna be a year for me to struggling for a better future, a year for growing up and maturing. Right, 2012 is going to be long and rough and better than 2011.

I will survive, tho. I know I will.

Heres to the new year. Bring it on, 2012.

I hope world won't end this year. I haven't marry anyone yet so please don't end.

2k11

2011-12-31T14:29:00.000+07:00

It's December 31st already and it's 10 and half hours left to 2012. Is it just me or time surely flies too fast this year, no? Because I can remember almost every moment in 2011 like it was just happened yesterday. Good things, bad things, right decisions, wrong decisions, everything. 2011 has been such a jam-packed year.

It’s always interesting looking back on the past for me. I get to see how much I’ve grown, recount my accomplishments and relive my heartache. And as the year ends, I realize that I’ve learned so much about myself. It’s crazy how every year, I think I’ve grown so much and the following year I think damn I still have so much more to learn

I remember the most of influential decision that I made on 2011. They were how I decided to cancelled my plan to take an exchange students program to USA and when I wanted to make the most of my senior year so I decided to stay single. Single and happy for exact. And not looking for any single man, yet.

Moment I remember.. Well, those jogja-bali trips (this is the best), being a 12th grader,.. man, 2011 give me too many moments to remember and I just can't spell it one by one. All I know is 2011 giving me many will-be-unforgettable-moments of my life. And I thank God for that.

I think I’ve made it pretty apparent that 2011 has been, without a doubt, the best year of my life and I’m incredibly sad to see it come to an end. But I know 2012 will be better, I just know it.

Anyway, I don't make any resolution for 2012. I never make any resolution for every new year, tho.

I am just wishing 2012 will be better and promise myself to be a better person. That's what I do in every new year.

I shake my hand and thank 2011 for the moments, I open my hand widely for welcoming 2012.

Thankyou 2011,
and see you never.

2011-12-28T21:47:00.004+07:00

Now I wonder what love exactly is.

Coba dulu deh

2011-12-28T21:44:00.002+07:00

Coba deh pikir, gimana caranya gue bisa bikin masalah dan gue ga tau gimana cara nyelesainnya? Coba deh coba.
Coba deh pikir, gimana caranya orang bisa bilang gue bikin masalah sedangkan gue sendiri ga sadar bahwa gue sedang menciptakan masalah? Coba deh coba.

Coba deh coba dipikir, coba.

Coba deh dipikir, coba.

Selamat hari Ibu, bidadariku

2011-12-23T22:52:00.001+07:00

Selamat hari ibu, Ibu Evi!

Stay kece dan metal ya ma.

Tetap menjadi mama paling hebat diantara mama-mama lainnya.

I want to be exactly just like you when I grow up, mom. You're the best.

I wuff you. Always will :)

Your daughter,

Nadhira Prisari

Sorry for not saying this right in front of you, you know I just can't say these kind of things, don't you?

As easy as 1-2-3

2011-12-21T15:45:00.005+07:00

For me, nice relationship is not about hugs and kisses. Hugs and kisses annoy me, actually because I'm not the kind of girl who dream about being a lovey dovey couple. You know, those I-love-you-you-love-me-lets-holding-hand-forever things, that's so stupid. I want a simple one.

Maybe when we both can talk for hours,
or just sit in the car and listening to the music.

What I mean is, nice relationship is not about hugs, kisses, holding hands, counting stars, sleep together, or anything like that. What makes a relationship nice isn't about what we do, it's about the atmosphere between me and my partner. When we both feel comfortable with each other, that's when my relationship is nice.

For me, anything without hugs or kisses or any physical contact, is just so nice and comfortable and I'm looking for someone who has the same feeling as me,

and we both gonna make a nice relationship together.

I don't say 'I love you' much to boys. But if you can make me feel comfortable, you make me surely love you.

I think I'm moving but I go nowhere

2011-12-19T22:48:00.000+07:00

"Telah berulangkali lo lakuin itu dan terbiasa hingga gue mati rasa jadi slow aja."
"Mau dong mati rasa"
"Kenapa deh? Cape yah mikirin perasaan orang lain tapi perasaan lo tersiksa?"
"Apaan kak apaan?"
"Iya, mentingin perasaan orang tapi dirinya sakit melulu kan?"
"Ga kebaca kak bbmnya, mata gua mendadak burem."

Bahkan orang lain aja bisa tahu kalau perasaan lo itu tersiksa.

Lalu sekarang lo masih mau bilang diri lo gatau apa-apa dan tidak merasakan apa-apa?

Bullshit, man.

Berhenti. Berhenti mengacuhkan perasaan lo sendiri.

Berhenti. Berhenti pura-pura tidak tahu apa-apa.

Berhenti. Berhenti berlari.

Balik badan. Hadapin kenyataan.

Please

2011-12-18T09:58:00.001+07:00

Aku merindukan, tidak berharap dirindukan.
Aku mendoakan, tidak berharap didoakan.
Aku menyayangi, tidak berharap disayangi.

Jujur, sebenarnya aku berharap satu hal dari kamu. Tolong hargai apa yang telah aku lakukan.
Yah.. Jikalau kamu tidak mau menghargaiku, tak mengapa.
Tapi jangan anggap uang dan barang bisa menggantikan segalanya.

Karena, lebih baik aku tidak dihargai. Daripada rasa rinduku, doa-doaku, dan rasa sayangku kamu anggap sebagai sesuatu yang bisa kamu sogok dengan kesenangan duniawi.

Kamu bisa sogok mereka, bukan aku.

Silence

2011-12-16T22:11:00.001+07:00

Aku ga suka terjadi keheningan ketika aku bersama orang lain.

Tapi aku suka ketika keheningan datang menyapa aku dan kamu.

Dia selalu berbeda.

Setiap aku lagi sama kamu dan dia ikut berkumpul bersama kita, dia tidak pernah merusak suasana sebagaimana yang selalu ia lakukan kalau aku lagi sama yang lainnya. Dia malah membuat segalanya terasa tetap nyaman dan aku pun lebih puas memandangi kamu ketika dalam keheningan. Tidak melakukan apa-apa, hanya duduk dan memandangimu dari sudut mataku.

Ah, aku tidak peduli mana yang benar..

keheningan yang membuat kamu nyaman dilihat,

atau kamu yang membuat keheningan menjadi nyaman dirasakan.

Yang aku tahu hanyalah ketika keheningan datang there's no akwardness between us.

And I'm just blissfully happy, being with you and do nothing, in silence.

The silence between us is just.. simply wonderful.

Tell him

2011-12-08T17:58:00.000+07:00

Her old daddy was the one who usually drive her to school and come home at 8 pm. He was the one who usually read her story before she goes to bed. He was the one who usually stay at home in the weekend and take her to anywhere she wanted to. He was the one for her.

Her daddy is no longer the one who usually drive her to school, she drives herself or with her driver. Her daddy is no longer the one who come home at 8, her daddy comes home at 1 am and back to work at 6 am, so she rarely meet her daddy. Her daddy is no longer the one who usually read her story before she goes to bed, she reads by herself because she knows her daddy won't be at home at 10 pm. Her daddy is no longer the one who usually stay at home, because he's too busy with his job until he also spend his weekend at the office. Her daddy is no longer the one who take her anywhere she wanted to, because he's too busy doing business trips, either out of town or overseas. But you know? He still is the one for her. Ya, he still is.

She knows everything that her daddy done is for the happiness of herself and her family as well. But she just want her daddy knows that her happiness isn't based on how much money that her daddy gives to her. Its all about how much time that her daddy devoted just for her.

She just misses her old daddy.

Yes, it's just it.

She just misses him and all the time she had spent with him.

No no, she did not ask God to bring her back to the past or bring her daddy back to her. All she asked to God is to give her daddy healthiness and always be in God's protection, hoping her father will always be fine because she's just too scared of losing her daddy. Yes maybe she is not okay at this time, but I know she will be. And in the end nothing to worry about. Again, these things just take times.

If you meet her daddy, tell him that her daughter loves him.

PS: Pa, kakak kangen.

IDGAF

2011-12-06T17:52:00.001+07:00

"Day and night,

I am always tired.

But at night I stay up just late enough

Until I am exhausted enough

Until I can fall into my bed

and into immediate slumber

Because I can't stand

to lie in my bed in a dark room

alone with my thoughts

for so many hours"

It feels, you know, like I am in ruin. I am exhausted, everything feel so heavy, and my entire body hurts like hell. And nothing, nothing hurt as much as my mind hurts.

I am tired.
I am tired.
I am tired.
I tried.

And I fucking cannot fix it.

Please wake me up when you guys done with this shit.

Yakin cinta?

2011-12-04T11:50:00.001+07:00

Kamu cinta dia?

Jika ya,

Apakah kamu rela melihat dia disana bersama dengan yang lain, bukan kamu?

Apakah kamu ikhlas mengatakan 'aku sayang kamu' tanpa mendengar balasan 'aku sayang kamu juga'?

Apakah kamu mau memberikan ia seluruh cintamu tanpa mendapatkan timbal balik berupa cinta juga, dan bukan hanya sekedar ucapan terimakasih?

Dan jika jawabanmu kali ini berkata 'tidak', maka itu bukan cinta.

Kamu tahu Forrest Gump? Belajar cinta dari dia.

Kuat!

2011-11-28T16:28:00.000+07:00

"Mau kemana kita malam ini?"
"Bawa gue ketemu sama 'kebahagiaan'."

Aku percaya suatu saat nanti kamu akan bertemu bahagia.
Karena kebahagiaan kamu tidak bergantung dari aku, dia, tidak juga dari mereka.

Dan aku,
aku akan memandangmu dari jauh, tersenyum.

Aku bahagia melihatmu bahagia.

Dengan atau tanpa aku.
Dengan atau tanpa dia.
Dengan atau tanpa mereka.

Terjatuh di lubang? Atau terlilit akar di hutan?

2011-11-20T21:08:00.000+07:00

Kamu tahu rasanya ketika pikiran kamu berjalan-jalan tanpa tujuan? Dia mampir kesana kemari, dia kemana-mana menyapa segala yang ia temui. Mencoba membantu apa yang bisa ia bantu.

Dia berjalan.

Tanpa awal. Tanpa tujuan. Tanpa kesimpulan.

Ia hilang.

Kemana? Kemana?

Sepertinya pikiranku terjatuh didalam lubang,

atau terlilit akar didalam hutan.

Lubang masalah.

Akar masalah.

2011-11-09T20:51:00.001+07:00

So here's a thing. I'm gonna turn off my phone for a week. I wish I can find free wifi so I can use my bbm freely in there but in case I don't and you need to talk something important to me or maybe you just miss me, you can mention me on twitter or just (re)add my msn na.dhira@live.com (I lost every single contact in my msn) because I might using my dad's phone when I'm in there.

Thank you.

May God bless Indonesia for sea games, anyway.

kita bisa, kita pasti bisa
kita akan raih bintang-bintang
kita bisa jadi yang terdepan
bersatu bersama dalam satu irama
terbang meraih kejayaan, kita bisa!

wae wa e o, wae wa e o, wae wa e o, wae wa e o!

2011-11-08T16:48:00.000+07:00

After that long conversation, the girl said, "I don't love you. Just go."

And so the man goes.
Leaving her.
Finding his own happiness.

"I love you that's why I let you go," whisper the girl.
"You don't love me that's why you let me go.," think the boy as he walk through the door.

Forever, you said; Never, I said

2011-11-04T16:44:00.001+07:00

Not much to say,

I'm just wondering, it has been a week and I keep questioning this question,
"Is it worth these tears that won't go away?"

Is it?

I know it is not. But I couldn't stop. Baby, if I could then I really would do anything to stop these tears.

Nevermind, darling

2011-11-01T01:26:00.000+07:00

Dulu kita bisa berjalan berdua di tali tipis untuk menyebrangi jembatan.

Ah bukan, dulunya tali itu tebal maka dari itu kita bisa berjalan berdua. Tapi sekarang tali itu sudah tipis. Menipis karena kita cabuti satu-satu benangnya. Dan ketika tali itu tinggal beberapa helai, tiba-tiba kamu berlari kencang sampai ke ujung dan disana kamu melompat-lompat, berharap aku jatuh dari tali kita.

Aku terpeleset, tapi aku masih sempat berpegangan pada tali kita. Kencang. Perlahan maju dengan kedua tangan dan berusaha menyusul kamu sampai ke ujung sana. Tujuanku satu; kamu.

Namun sekarang aku lelah bertahan, tanganku sudah berdarah-darah. Tali ini mulai menyakiti tanganku, walaupun tidak sesakit melihat kamu kelelahan melompat diujung sana berusaha menjatuhkanku.

Meskipun sakit, tapi aku tahu pasti kamu punya alasan kenapa kamu berusaha menjatuhkanku dari tali itu. Aku masih percaya kamu. Apapun yang kamu lakukan pasti buat kebaikan kita berdua karena aku masih menganggap kita adalah sahabat.

Kalau memang kamu ingin aku jatuh kenapa kamu tidak langsung suruh saja aku lepas tanganku? Aku akan langsung mengikuti kemauanmu kok, tak perlu kamu bersusah payah terlihat jahat dimataku karena aku tahu kamu bukan orang jahat.

Iya, sekarang juga akan aku lepas tanganku dari tali tumpuan kita. Berhentilah kamu melompat dari ujung jembatan, aku tidak suka melihat mukamu kelelahan.

Apa saja sayang,
apa saja.

Asal kamu bahagia.

P.S: Cepat pulang ya, kisah kita belum usai.

Take care

2011-10-31T14:13:00.006+07:00

Every breath you take; every move you make; every bond you break; every step you take; every single day; every word you say; every game you play; every night you stay; every vow you break; every smile you fake; every claim you stake,..

..I'll be watching you.

2011-10-27T18:12:00.002+07:00

"I'm sorry sometimes I get jealous thinking that someone else could make you happier than I could."

...I wonder, should I forgive you for the thing that you shouldn't have to feel sorry about?

Layang-Layang

2011-10-25T18:49:00.004+07:00

Aku adalah layang-layang
Dijual di sudut toko mainan pasar yang ramai ini
Terduduk diantara mainan-mainan remote kontrol dan boneka-boneka cantik

Kamu mau aku?

Kalau kamu mau,
Tak perlu kau risaukan perkataan teman-temanmu
Jika kamu memang mau aku, tutup telingamu
Abaikan perkataan mereka
Abaikan perasaan ragumu
Aku benci orang yang ragu

Mudah sekali memainkanku
Aku tak perlu uang yang banyak
Tak perlu baterai pula remote yang mengendalikan
Yang aku butuhkan hanya kamu,
satu gulung benang yang kuat,
dan sekarung kesabaran serta usaha

Kamu bawa aku ke lapangan luas
Ketika angin itu mencolek kamu dengan centil
Lalu kamu ikat aku dengan benang dan terbangkan aku ke langit
Pegang kuat benangmu dan atur cara terbangku
Bebaskan aku bermain bersama layang-layang lainnya
Kendalikan aku, jangan sampai terputus atau sengaja diputus

Tak apa, memang awalnya susah
Aku suka tidak mau terbang ke langit
Bukannya aku mangkel,
Aku hanya ingin melihat sekarung kesabaranmu dan usaha-usahamu

Namun aku janji,
setelah aku menyaksikan usahamu dan kesabaranmu
Kamu tidak akan menyesal pernah membeliku
Aku akan beri kamu kesenangan yang berbeda dari yang lain

Ingat! Ingat!
Jangan kamu adu aku dan kamu putuskan benang layangan lain,
Kamu sudah punya aku
Dan mereka juga sudah ada yang memiliki
Layang-layang tidak ada yang suka di adu,
begitu pula aku

Dan ketika senja tiba dan mamamu memanggilmu untuk pulang,
Kamu gulung saja benangmu
Aku tidak akan marah dan memaksa kamu untuk main sebentar lagi
Aku akan turun perlahan dari langit dan ikut kamu pulang kerumah
Karena aku tahu, pasti keesokan harinya kamu akan main lagi
Membiarkan aku berjumpa dengan teman-temanku dan nona matahari

Ayo, coba beli aku dan mainkan
Berani tidak?

2011-10-16T22:05:00.002+07:00

Nadhira, are you done fucking everything's up?
Happy now?

Kamu jahat, Nad.

2011-10-08T22:08:00.002+07:00

2011-10-04T17:45:00.003+07:00

Pengen deh, sekali aja dipeluk pas keliatan gue udah breakdown, bukan malah dicecer pertanyaan kenapa gue nangis.
Pengen deh, sekali aja denger kata sayang diucapin ke gue, tanpa harus diminta.
Pengen deh, sekali-sekali gue mendapat hadiah atau kejutan yang bikin gue berhenti bertanya 'Apa sih fungsi gue disini?'

Gue berharap ada yang lakuin itu,
sekalipun itu bohong.

Karena gue akan tetep kasih pelukan gue saat gue tau orang butuh tanpa diminta.
Karena gue akan tetep bilang sayang setiap saat.
Karena gue akan tetep berusaha memberi lo apa yang lo mau agar tidak pernah sekalipun terlintas dipikiran lo apa fungsi lo disitu.

Tapi mungkin cinta itu bukan take and give,
mungkin cinta itu give and give and never expect to get anything back.

reblog from Melanie Subono's blog

I think, I think too much and feel too little. Is that good?

2011-10-02T19:13:00.006+07:00

A best friend of mine said,

"Seenggaknya hati gue patah ada yang matahin Nad, daripada elu kurang kerjaan matahin hati sendiri. Orang mah kalo ada jurang minggir, lah elu malah terjun. Gue saranin sih ya, daripada lo matahin hati lo sendiri mending patahin dulu tuh pikiran lo yang kereta api tut tut tut a.k.a kepanjangan. Lo kalo mikir ga sesuai sama umur lo sih."

Hot and Cold

2011-09-30T21:56:00.002+07:00

Because you're hot and you're cold. You're yes and you're no. You're in and you're out. You're up and you're down. You're wrong when it's right. You're black and it's white.

We
fight,
we
break
up.

We hug, we make up.

2011-09-28T18:11:00.004+07:00

It's not about why, where, when, what, or how.
It's about who.
And the answer is you.

It's always been you.

Mana ombaknya? Mana badainya? Mana petualangannya?

2011-09-27T19:42:00.004+07:00

Sang nahkodapun bertanya-tanya, kemana perginya angin yang senantiasa membawa kapal ini berpetualang menerjang ombak dan badai?

Tidak ada jawaban yang terngiang.
Hanya ada udara kering kerontang dan layar lusuh tidak berkembang.
Kapal mengambang. Terlalu tenang.

Bendera tidak berkibar, kapten!

2011-09-25T17:58:00.002+07:00

Karena Ia mengerti, siapa yang pantas bertahan dan siapa yang pantas jatuh ke jurang.

The notion of saying goodbye

2011-09-23T21:00:00.010+07:00

You gave me two choices, be with you or let you go.

Honestly, I don't want to let you go.. Yet, in the same time, I don't want you to stay either.
Who said I didn't try to let you go? I did try once. And I failed.

I like you, I told you before.
But, we better keep the relationship between us in the right track.

So I, I can't choose. I choose neither of them.

I tell you anything. Anything, darling.

You ask me what do I want from you?
I want you to stay right there and promise you won't go anywhere.

You ask me why you have to stay right there?
Because I want you to.

P.S : I don't want you to be with me. I don't want you to be with someone else. I don't know how miserable you have to be before I am happy. My selfishness is killing you and it's killing me too.

Putri Ayu Ningtyas' Bday Bash

2011-09-20T19:50:00.008+07:00

PutriAN's birthday bash 17 Sept '11 @Amor lounge&club, Kemang.

Happy sweet 17th ya pacarku yang paling mirip sama babi tapir. Semoga apa yang lo inginkan bisa tetap selalu dikabulkan oleh om Nur dan sebagainya dan sebagainya (lo tau kan gue paling ga bisa ngedoain orang lain..). Tetep menjadi anak sultan yang paling kece ya sob! Aku ga sayang kamu loh, ga sayang banget. Males kali sayang sama orang kayak lo. Muwah! Kecup basah dari ciws&Neutron :*

Enjoy your 17 dear one :-)

Love,
Pacarmu yang paling seksi dan pengertian

Remember this and remember me

2011-09-18T17:06:00.002+07:00

I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I want… a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe.

I want to love, and be loved.

Rain

2011-09-15T17:05:00.003+07:00

Beberapa hari yang lalu gue kepikiran, akhir-akhir ini jarang hujan deh. Gue jadi kangen hujan.

Padahal kalo lagi hujan dan tanpa petir, gue seneng menghabiskan waktu gue sendirian. Rasanya lebih tenang dan lebih nyaman. Sendirian sambil nyetir, dengerin lagu, dan macet-macetan.. There's just something about the way street looks when it's just rained. Sendirian sambil baca buku dengerin lagu sambil ditemenin hot chocolate juga enak. Entah bagaimana, hujan selalu memberikan waktu luang yang sangat menenangkan dan menyenangkan untuk gue habiskan sendirian. Untuk berpikir atau bahkan hanya untuk bengong sambil ngeliatin tetesan air hujan di jendela dan nentuin tetesan mana yang bakal hilang duluan.

I love rain. I love the smell of rain, I love it when rain touches my skin, I love the sound of rain, I love running in the rain with my friends, I love the atmosphere when it's raining, I love when we all stay at school because it's raining, I love the way rain comforts me, and especially, I love the way rain brings me back to my old memories.

Akhirnya gue nge-tweet sekitar 1 jam yang lalu, ketika cuaca masih cerah dan udara masih panas menyengat.

"I miss rain."

Banyak yang retweet, berarti banyak juga yang kangen sama hujan sama seperti gue.

15 menit setelah gue ngetweet, jadi mendung.
Lalu, bau hujan tercium. Walaupun pas gue nanya sama om leo, om leo ga nyium bau apa-apa.

...Dan sekarang ternyata hujan.
Deras. ☺

She had some trouble with herself

2011-09-14T17:21:00.000+07:00

"If a guy tells me he loves me, I subconsciously start to distance myself from him. I’m afraid to be “loved” after everything that happened. I’m afraid to love him back. I’m afraid. Period."

-Runi's Tumblr-

It's either A.) Action that has consequences or B.) Fate/Destiny; Whatever you choose, it'll end up in one word

2011-09-12T20:58:00.005+07:00

Karma.

Dulu kamu nyakitin dia.
Sekarang aku nyakitin kamu.
Nanti aku disakitin siapa?

What are words

2011-09-10T23:10:00.003+07:00

1. Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 12 friends who might enjoy doing the memo as well as the person you got the memo from.

1. If someone says "is this okay?" you say..
Adelaide sky - Adhitia Sofyan

2. What would best describe your personality?
Iris - The wanted cover

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Telling the world - Taio Cruz

4. How do you feel today?
Moves like jagger - Maroon 5 ft. Christina Aguilera

5. What is your motto?
Drops of Jupiter - Boyce Avenue (cover)

6. What is your life's purpose?
Say - John Mayer

7. What do your friends think of you?
Nothing on you/my love/rocketeer mashed up - Boyce Avenue

8. What do you think about very often?
Haven't met you yet - Damian McGinty

9. What is 2+2?
Need you now - Lady Antebellum

10. What do you think of your best friend?
Untitled - Maliq & D'essentials

11. What do you think of the person you like?
Never felt this way - Adera

12. What is your life story?
Lost without you - Robin Thicke

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Always be my baby - David Cook

14. What will they play at your funeral?
Yellow - Boyce Avenue

15. What will you dance to at your wedding?
She is love (acoustic) - Parachute

16. What do you think when you see the person you like?
Every breath - Boyce Avenue

17. What is your hobby/interest?
Mean - Taylor Swift

18. What is your biggest secret?
Perfect (pink) - Boyce Avenue

19. What's the worst thing that could happen?
Someday - John Legend

20. What makes you cry?
You and me - Lifehouse

21.What makes you laugh?
Alejandro - All Time Low

22. What is the one thing you regret?
Never say you can't - Bruno Mars

23. Will you ever get married?
Broken Angel - Boyce Avenue

24. What scares you most?
Use somebody - Cameron Mitchell

25 What will you post this as?
What are words - Chris Medina

Well, I tag you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you. Last but not least, you.

THIS = LOVE

2011-09-10T22:25:00.003+07:00

This is why we do it, this is worth the pain;
This is why we bow down and get back up again;
This is where the heart lies, this is from above;

Love is this,
this is love.

Mimpi itu rancu

2011-09-09T20:33:00.009+07:00

Saya benci mimpi buruk. Saya benci merasa menderita walaupun hanya di dalam mimpi. Saya benci bangun ditengah malam sendirian dalam keadaan sakit kepala yang hebat dan tidak dapat tidur lagi. Saya sangat takut mimpi buruk itu menjadi kenyataan.

Tapi, saya lebih benci mimpi indah. Iya sih, semua yang terjadi dalam mimpi itu terasa menyenangkan.. bahkan saya bisa saja tidur sambil tersenyum karena mimpi indah itu. Tapi rasa sakitnya mimpi indah itu jauh lebih menyakitkan daripada mimpi buruk. Rasa sakitnya berkali-kali lipat.

Kapan terasa sakit? Ketika kita terbangun.
Kenapa terasa sakit? Karena sadar semua itu hanyalah mimpi.

Silent, screaming, blur

2011-09-07T08:51:00.007+07:00

Sometimes I hear this song, and I ache in the deepest part of me that I didn’t even know existed.
I break and sob and feel so hard that I want it to stop.

And then I realize, I don’t know who I’m feeling these things for.. and it scares me.

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Beyond words

2011-09-04T20:20:00.006+07:00

I guess my mom misses you.

Several days ago, when we were in the car, mom unconsciously talked about you. She said where are you and why you never visit home again. She asked me how are you. Oh, she also asked me to tell you to come to our home again.

There's no word come out from my mouth.
This, how am I suppose to tell you to come to my house when I don't even know how are you now. So I chose to be silence and changed the topic.

I think I'm not ready enough to talk any single thing about you... yet.

I wonder.

Over-think

2011-09-03T03:09:00.002+07:00

When I couldn't sleep at night, I think.
Think every little thing. Even the most unthinkable one.
So many thoughts are racing through my head and it's just too much.
It hurts. It hurts my head. It hurts my mind even more.

F*ck, but I can't stop doing it.
Please anyone, make it stop.

Surprises

2011-09-01T23:19:00.003+07:00

"Yes. I ever said that. I don’t like being common, like, get a bucket of roses. But, somehow, I’m still a girl. No matter if i ever said that thing, i still want to have this kind attention. A bucket of roses in front of my room, in the morning. A little surprise would be perfect."

Tumblr

Perth and Melbourne

2011-09-01T23:14:00.007+07:00

Hai kanguru! Doain ya nanti kalo aku kesana lagi, status aku udah bukan tourist lagi tapi aku udah jadi mahasiswa disana. Terus semoga kalo aku balik nanti, aku udah ga dikira under 14. Amin.

P.S : Minal aidzin wal faidzin buat semuanya, maaf lahir dan batin ya. Sampai jumpa lagi di ramadhan tahun depan!

Eh kamu,

2011-08-24T11:18:00.004+07:00

Hei kamu, iya kamu.

Kalo ada masalah jangan suka dipendem dong. Aku tau kamu susah percaya sama orang untuk kamu bagi cerita-cerita kamu karena kamu adalah orang yang tertutup. Aku tau orang yang kamu percaya untuk berbagi cerita udah pergi ninggalin kamu disitu sendiri. But it doesn't mean you have to be like this, darling.

Iya iya jangan ngurat, aku tau kamu punya Tuhan. Kamu punya Tuhan yang selalu bisa kamu bagi keluh kesah kamu. Tapi ga berarti kamu ga butuh manusia lain untuk berbagi kan? Because you must know, siapa tau manusia lain itu adalah salah satu bentuk pertolongan dari Tuhan untuk membantu kamu menyelesaikan segala masalah kamu. Pernah kepikiran kayak gitu ga?

Sekarang tolong kamu pikirkan, bagaimana kamu bisa tau mana yang dikirim Tuhan untuk menolong kamu kalau kamu bahkan tidak pernah mau membuka diri kamu?

Please, runtuhin tembok disekeliling kamu.
Mereka mau nolong kamu.

Antologi Rasa

2011-08-24T11:04:00.004+07:00

Mengkutip dari buku antologi rasa karangan Ika Natassa;

"And now I am going to leave with you with a short paragraph that mt bestfriend text me on new year's eve a couple of years ago and I hope this will lead you to do something that will change your life forever, like it did mine:

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' heart. You'll fight with your best friends or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by.

So take lots of pictures laugh a lot, freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend in need, fall asleep watching the sun comes up, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."

Some memories never fade, they are just hiding

2011-08-22T16:41:00.010+07:00

Just randomly googling dan menemukan tweet lama saya disertai beberapa old pics didalamnya.
2 years a go exactly.

Sudah lama tersimpan di laci paling belakang dalam otak saya, memori-memori remeh yang saya anggap tidak penting dan tidak akan pernah berguna termasuk tweet-tweet ini; Tapi ketika laci ini tidak sengaja terbuka, saya terpaku. Memori yang saya anggap remeh ini malah menyadarkan saya.

Sedih.

Kenapa sih semuanya harus berubah?
Saya kangen masa lalu. Saya kangen kita yang dulu.

"all those sleepless nights reminds me of one thing though, how fast time passes us by...."
-The trees and the wild

SOTR 99 2011

2011-08-22T08:17:00.003+07:00

Maaf ya bapak ganteng... Walaupun anda dengan sangat tidak manusiawi-nya melarang kami untuk beramal, mengancam anak-anak yang ingin ikut beramal, membagikan surat kepada orang tua yang berisi anjuran untuk melarang anak-anaknya beramal, hingga memanggil orang tua teman kami dan mendoktrinasi, tetap saja anda kalah. SOTR 99 2011 angkatan 23, 24, dan 25 alhamdulillah sukses terlaksana dengan baik dan sangat menyenangkan. Bete ya pak?

Anywayyy, kalaupun ternyata bapak berhasil mengagalkan rencana SOTR kami,
mobil bapak tidak akan berhasil pulang dengan selamat.

Peace, love, and gaul,

"Some people are meant to fall in love with each other, but not meant to be together.” - (500) Days of Summer

2011-08-21T11:10:00.006+07:00

This is a story of boy meets girl, but you should know upfront,

"Either she's an evil, emotionless, miserable human being, or... she's a robot. "-Tom

..this is not a love story. This is a story about love.

For Tom Hansen, this was the night where everything changed. That wall Summer so often hid behind - the wall of distance, of space, of casual - that wall was slowly coming down.

Time after time..

Tom: Look, we don't have to put a label on it. That's fine. I get it. But, you know, I just... I need some consistency.
Summer: I know.
Tom: I need to know that you're not gonna wake up in the morning and feel differently.
Summer: And I can't give you that. Nobody can.

..Well, they didn't work out well.

Summer: We've been like Sid and Nancy for months now.

Tom: Summer, Sid stabbed Nancy, seven times with a kitchen knife, I mean we have some disagreements but I hardly think I'm Sid Vicious.
Summer: No I'm Sid.
Tom: Oh, so I'm Nancy...

In the end,

"You weren't wrong, Tom. You were just wrong about me." - Summer

Yes. This what always happens... Life.

Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What I was never sure of with you.

Up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness

2011-08-20T14:40:00.001+07:00

You know that feeling? When you're just waiting. Waiting to get home, into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation.

Nothing is wrong.
But nothing is right either.

And you're tired. Tired of everything. Tired of nothing. And you just want someone to be there and tell you it's okay. But no one's going to be there. And you know you have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you.

But you're tired. Tired of waiting. Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else. Tired of being strong. And for once, you just want it to be easy. To be simple. To be helped. To be saved.

But you know you won't be.

But you're still hoping. And you're still wishing.
And you're still staying strong and fighting.

With tears in your eyes, you're fighting.

Resource : Tumblr

Every romantic fantasy sounds so distasteful to me...

2011-08-18T02:27:00.005+07:00

...but, a little girl inside of me still wanted to be a princess. Every girl wants to be a princess, don't us? And a princess needs her prince charming.

A prince charming who will fight against anything for her ,who will pass every obstacle for her, who will protect her, who will finally find her and meet her parents and ask for their permit to marry her, who won't give up on her, who will treat her right, who will bring her to his castle. The ending? Happily ever after, as always.

"The fairytale inside your head has become your new best friend.
But I can assure you, that I'll be there before the story ends"

-Boyce Avenue

Hati

2011-08-16T21:43:00.001+07:00

Hatinya sekarat.

Digerogoti pengkhianatan,
Dicabik kebohongan,
Ditusuk perkataan,
Dihinggapi kesalahan,

Si pemilik tidak ingin menyembuhkannya. Ia mendiamkan hati hingga akhirnya hati pun mati. Yang tersisa hanyalah si pemilik dan sahabat terbaiknya,

kekosongan.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

- Neil Gaiman (sandman) reblog from Sahid

Does pain really make people change or is the emptiness they feel after the storm that makes them change; makes them rebuild their personality?

2011-08-15T14:51:00.002+07:00

It's not even the loneliness that hurts...

“Everything was simple, plain, everything was over. Or rather there had been no beginning, there would be no end. There was nothing but this moment, eternal. There was nothing else, absolutely nothing. And it was nothingness itself, overwhelming.”

— Pierre Drieu la Rochelle, Will O’ the Wisp

...It’s the emptiness that somehow feels so heavy. That’s what kills you.

The only exception

2011-08-13T18:38:00.003+07:00

“How glorious it is - and also how painful - to be an exception.”
— Alfred De Musset

Everyone has someone they make exceptions for. Dan mungkin rasanya denger kalo ada orang yang ngomong "....kecuali elo." atau "gue ga pernah sayang sebesar ini selain sama lo." atau anything yang berbentuk gombalan seperti itu, pasti rasanya bisa bikin ngefly ke langit ke-7. Apalagi kalo yang lagi ngomong itu serius, pasti terbang melebihi langit ke-7. Yes, most of people are happy being the only exception bagi orang lain. Tapi entah kenapa, kalo gue digituin, bukannya ngefly tapi gue ngerasa bersalah.

For me, being the only exception or,being the only one, isn't that great. Malah bikin gue ngerasa nyesek dan ngerasa bersalah. Kenapa? Karena first thing first, it feels bad ketika orang lain menjadikan diri kita the only exception di hidup mereka, sedangkan kita hanya menjadikan mereka masuk ke dalam common people di hidup kita. Jahat kan? Yaiyalah jahat. Gimana sih rasanya lo ngejadiin orang the first priority in your life sedangkan lo hanya menjadi their options? It hurts like hell.

And, the hardest part of being the only exception is, you are making people's expectations up and in the end you know you'll disappoint them later. Menjadi the only exception itu rasanya seperti menambahkan beban 1000 kg ke bahu lo. Karena dengan menjadi suatu pengecualian, si orang yang menjadikan kita seperti itu secara tidak langsung berharap bahwa kita tidak akan mengecewakan keputusan mereka untuk menjadikan kita pengecualian. Mau ga mau kita bakal terikat dengan orang yang menjadikan kita pengecualian. Kita bisa aja sih ga terikat, tapi siapa yang ga seneng jadi pengecualian? Jujur aja lah. Maka dari itu pasti lo berusaha untuk ga ngebuat mereka ngerubah pandangan mereka tentang diri lo supaya lo tetep dijadikan pengecualian dimata mereka. Am I right?

The only exception adalah suatu jabatan yang sangat berat untuk disandang oleh orang-orang. lo harus bisa bertanggung jawab atas jabatan itu. Saya? Saya belum siap menyandang jabatan itu, atau bahkan.. Saya tidak pantas untuk menyandangnya.

Respect

2011-08-09T21:31:00.004+07:00

Dear every man in this world,

Whats with you guys lately? Every girl has a heart, every girl has a mind of their own. They aren't just objects that you can take advantage of until you have your fill. If you really love her, why don't you treat her right? Take fucking care of her. Love her. RESPECT HER. Court her the way you'd like your mother and your sister to be courted. A woman is not written in braille. You don't have to touch her to know her.

Sincerely,
Me.

Tumblr #2

2011-08-08T05:02:00.000+07:00

And I wonder if he ever stops and thinks,

"Man, I miss her."

I wonder if he lies awake in the middle of night missing me the way I miss him.

Single but not available

2011-08-07T11:04:00.008+07:00

Err.. where to start, where to start.

Hm, jadi gini, gue setuju sekali dengan perkataan @poconggg yang "Single itu prinsip, jomblo itu nasib". I'm such a picky person and I've been single for so long and the thought of being with someone actually scares me. Kalo katanya Summer di (500) days of summer, "I like being my own because relationships are messy and people's feelings hurt."

Gue single. Gue tidak siap berada di suatu hubungan (sepertinya).

Some people said that the hardest part about single is being alone. It’s not having that other person there to be a source of comfort. Of reassurance. Of guidance. Or for accompanying you every time you need someone by your side. For getting attentions. and so on... But are those things the point of a relationship? Kalo emang itu semua pointnya berarti being in a relationship bukan suatu kewajiban. Things that we do in a relationship juga bisa kita lakukan bareng orang lain yang bahkan tidak membutuhkan suatu status untuk melakukannya, ya kan? So what's the point of being in a relationship selain tersakiti dan disakiti?

Sedangkan kalo kata gue, being single is more fun. Lo bebas pergi sama siapa aja, lo bebas mau chat sama siapa aja, lo bebas mau ngapain aja, lo bebas mau temenan sama siapa aja, dan segala hal yang biasa dilarang sama pasangan kita ketika kita in a relationship. Dan keuntungan lainnya dari being single, yang merhatiin lo ga cuma satu orang aja. Right?

Masalah terbesarnya adalah gue suka mengetes apakah rasa ketidaksiapan gue itu sudah menghilang. And, for a couple of time, it didn't work out well. Yang ada gue malah nyakitin orang lain padahal salah satu alasan gue untuk tidak pacaran adalah karena gue belum siap nyakitin orang lain (lagi) dan disakitin orang lain (lagi). Atas tindak perilaku gue, gue tau gue sangat menyakiti orang lain dan gue menyakiti diri gue sendiri karena gue merasa jadi orang jahat . I am the bad guy. Padahal I'm not that pretty sehingga gue bisa dengan mudahnya naik nurunin perasaan orang-orang.

Gue benci sama orang yang suka ngangkat orang tinggi-tinggi dan menghempaskannya lagi jatuh ke tanah. Dan sekarang gue malah merasa gue termasuk kedalam bagian orang-orang itu. Man, being what you've said you would never be,.. totally sucks. Kalo ditanya cape ga gini terus ya pasti capelah. Gue cape ngerasa bersalah buat orang-orang yang marah sama gue karena sudah dijatuhkan dan gue cape ngerasa kesel sama orang-orang yang merasa dijatuhkan padahal gue ga pernah ngerasa nerbangin orang-orang itu. Gue cape ngerasa bingung, what to do what to do.

Ga bisa yah kita suka sama orang tanpa harus menyakiti orang lain?
Ga bisa banget? Banget banget banget?

Bisain dong...

My perception

2011-08-06T05:35:00.000+07:00

The thing I love most about my guy friends, is that they care without questioning; without making false assumptions. They don't tell you you're being dramatic, or looking for attention. They see a need, and they genuinely just want to see you to be happy

They are the ones who are always down to listen to your problems and don’t judge. Instead, they offer you a different perspective from their point of view. The ones who would tell you straight up if you’re overreacting. The ones who would have your back 150% if anyone disrespect you. And they do all of this without having any ulterior motives. They do this without expecting you to fall for them. The ones who treat you like a little sister rather than someone who they could hopefully one day cross the friendship boundary with. The genuine kind.

Changes

2011-08-02T17:00:00.000+07:00

We all know that sometimes, in life, you just got to take risks in order to make a miracle happen. We can’t always rely on fate and luck to move us along in life. Although the risks have their double edged blades, we at least moved a step closer than had we not chosen to. In this tango dance with life, we all have to face the fact that we’re all scared when it comes to making choices and decisions. Some more impacting and influential than most other situations. Yet, should we allow fear to reign supreme over our better judgment, we could only look back into the past and wonder those two words, “What if?”

Change does not occur over night as we all know very well. Yet, with a little courage and a push towards the uncertain path, we can move a bit closer than where we once stood before.

Then once we see some changes occurring, whether it is good or bad, we could only hope to continue forward rather than backwards, towards the future. Because back there, where we once came from, lies nothing but emptiness and ignorance of the knowledge that unravels before us each step of the way. So, even if the changes can be overwhelming, they are made for certain reasons, reasons which cannot be explained at the moment. It is not until we’ve progressed further, will these intentions become more clear to us.

It’s easy to give up. It’s easy to go back to the beginning. It’s easy to wallow in our pasts and stop progression.

It’s so easy, yet it’s never fulfilling. We always end up in regret, wondering where our life’s would’ve gone, if we just kept on moving. But if we could just keep that motivation to keep walking forward with our head held high and a determined smile on our faces, we can endure anything that comes our path. In doing so, our progression keeps turning and turning until we’ve reach the point of no return: Change.

It’s not always good, but it’s not always bad either. How we interpret it and allow it to infect our lives is up to us.

You be the judge of that.

Just apologize, it's a whole lot easier than arguing

2011-07-31T19:09:00.006+07:00

Ga kerasa ya udah mau puasa aja loh besok, ramadhan always cheers me up, it always has its own story. sayangnya gue lagi dapet jadinya ga bisa taraweh pertama dan ga bisa puasa pertama. Sedih qaqa.

It’s time people humble themselves and apologize. It’s ridiculous how people go through life thinking things are just okay without admitting fault, isn't it? Makanya sekarang gue mau minta maaf sob. Sorry for every mistakes that I've ever done to everyone, sengaja maupun ngga. Gue harap gue minta maaf ini bukan sekedar formalitas bulan ramadhan, tapi tulus dari hati gue dan begitu juga buat kalian yang minta maaf, gue harap itu juga bukan sekedar formalitas aja ya. You always have to forgive and ask for forgiveness, right? :)

Mulai dari nol lagi ya semuanya, Semoga ibadah puasa kita tahun ini diterima oleh Allah SWT.
Bismillah, selamat datang ramadhan, surprise me!

P.S : Iya, kita saling memaafkan. But even you apologize endlessly and even if I already forgive you, I still can't forget the pain you caused me. Apologize doesn't mean everything is magically fixed.

Nachos!

2011-07-31T09:22:00.010+07:00

Tanggal 7-8 July, nachos (anak chocial satu) ngadain perpisahan di Rainbow hills, sentul.

Tujuan pertama kami adalah curug.

Karena kami hemat, jadinya kami memutuskan untuk naik,

Pick Up.

Maaaan, it was awesome!! Kami ber 27 empet-empetan naik ke pick up karena ga ada satupun yang mau masuk ke mobil even tho pastilah naik mobil itu much more comfortable daripada naik pick up. Tapi yang dicari kan kebersamaannya, yega? It took about 15-30 minutes ke tempat curugnya. Pas kita diturunin, perjalanan ke curug masih harus diteruskan menggunakan kaki karena kendaraan emang ga bisa masuk. Perjalanan ke curug make kaki-nya itu kira-kira 30 minutes juga. Kami harus melewati perkampungan, sawah, sungai,

,..dan tanjakan serta turunan.

Lalu kami sampai!!

Malemnya, kami ngumpul di taman belakang sambil mainan, gitaran,bakar-bakaran, tuker kado, serta berkumpul bersama mendegarkan cerita seram di radio. Gue dapet snoppy's pajama anyway.

The next day, we had games walau akhirnya failed karena si pengada acara (baca : ira) ngambek. Hahaha, still those were the best days I've ever had with nachos. Coba kita kompak kayak gini dari dulu ya :'''') (sok terharu).

Sooo, nachos, semoga di kelas 12 ini kita ga lost contact ya. Semoga kita lulus semua-muanya ga terkecuali! Semoga bisa masuk universitas yang dituju, semoga cita-citanya bisa tercapai, semoga wali kelas kita menikmati masa pensiunnya dan ga sering-sering dateng ke sekolah lagi. Amin.

Terimakasih untuk memori kelas 11-nya ya nachos :)

What if it never gets better?

2011-07-29T16:37:00.003+07:00

Lately my bed has been the only place I can truly be somewhat okay; that is, if I am actually able to sleep. The moment when I fall asleep and nothing fills my mind. A void, a blank empty space, that’s the best. It’s normally the moment I wake up and remember everything that has happened, that’s the worst. I try so hard not to think about it, but I can’t and it hurts so bad. I want to be okay, but I can’t. This has probably been the hardest life lesson thus far.

Its just one of those nights where you feel like crying. Not because you're sad or angry. It's the complete lack of feeling. You feel empty.

I will get over it, I know I will.

These things just take time.

Well, yeah.. I guess

2011-07-25T17:25:00.002+07:00

I guess in my mind, things would never change but too bad the only constant thing in this world is change. So when things end when you’re not ready for them too has to be the worst possible feeling ever. Everything will just be a memory. The worst part of all was I knew the end was coming all along but never prepared myself for it. I just continued to let myself fall. Fall hard, really hard. In over my head, head over heals.

Now I’ve lost my self. I look in the mirror, and I have no idea who I’m staring at anymore. I’ve changed a lot and I don’t like it at all, but nothing feels the same anymore. I don’t care about anything anymore, and it doesn’t even scare, or worry me.

It's heart less not heartless

2011-07-23T18:21:00.002+07:00

I don't want to be heartless actually, I just want to use my heart less.
At least it will reduce the chances of getting hurt (again), right?

Disappointed as a name

2011-07-21T16:43:00.005+07:00

▶ heartbreak warfare - john mayer

I tell you, what you did to me is hurting me this much and I can't even believe that you would do that to me. This is the time when I feel very disappointed and I really can't believe that this ever happened to me. This is the thing that never ever crossed on my mind before. This is the thing that makes me speechless. This is the thing that makes my anger turns into the tears. This is.. This is.. This is.. This is what we called hurtful. Best friend would never do that. Never.

Every time you asking me for apologize, I always give you one, don't I? But now, I don't even know how to give you. Though I still can feel the pain in every words that you said to me, (do you know that every time you asking for apologize, you -unconsciously- always show those pain?) but for this time.. It doesn't make any sense to me. I know you know me. I know you know that I'm the type of girl who can't be mad at someone for a long time. I know you know that I always try to forgive people and give them another chance. So, do you have any idea how big the pain you give to me is until I cannot forgive you and giving you another chance?

If what you did to me was a physical pain like you've always done, before I'm gonna cool with that. Sadly, instead of giving me those physical pain, you left a jagged hole in my heart and that hole is giving me a mentally pain. A mentally pain that time can't heal even some people say that time heals everything.

God, I don't want to fix this whole thing though I can.
Maybe I just want to hide until no one can find me,
or, I just want to forget everything.

How I really hate a simple thing that could change everything. E-ve-ry-thing.
Like what just going to happen between us.

Amélie

2011-07-14T18:31:00.004+07:00

Amélie: "Maybe she tries hard to fix other people’s messy lives."
Raymond Dufayel: "What about her? Her own messy life? Who’ll fix that?"
Amélie: "It’s better to help people than a garden gnome."

Amélie, 2001

Touching :'

2011-07-11T18:53:00.004+07:00

Ketika kamu berkorban demi orang yang kamu sayangi agar orang yang kamu sayangi itu bisa bahagia meskipun kamu bukan bagian dari kebahagiaannya..
that's love.

Hear me now

2011-07-10T19:10:00.000+07:00

It wasn't always this feeling
Put out the world for a tear in your eye
Oh god I'm over here kneeling
It seems we're fighting for truth with a lie

I'm falling over the edge with you
You're falling over the edge with me
With me

Sometimes I wish it was easy
To leave the ones that we love behind
Oh god just help me believe it
Still so much harder to say goodbye

I'm falling over the edge with you
You're falling over the edge with me
With me

Can you hear me now?
Can you hear me now?

Can you hear me now?

...Can you hear me now?

You got me standing here pleading,
Won't you please help me keep this alive?

:(

2011-07-10T14:13:00.006+07:00

Gue suka nulis kata "happiness" di bagian nadi tangan kiri gue untuk meyakinkan ke diri gue sendiri bahwa dengan gue menulis kata seperti itu, gue mensugesti diri gue agar selalu bahagia. Padahal, gue sendiri gatau apa arti kata bahagia.

Tapi, kalo ngeliat temen gue seneng gue ikutan seneng dan itu adalah yang disebut bahagia, maka saat ini dan detik ini gue rasa gue belum bahagia sepenuhnya.

Masih ada lo --yang harus gue bikin seneng. Gimanapun caranya.

Gamau tau, gue pingin lo menerima bantuan gue. Lagipula bayarannya murah kok, gue cuma pingin dibayar pake senyuman lo yang nunjukkin bahwa lo bahagia.

Gue pingin ngeliat lo bahagia (lagi). Please.

Selfish

2011-07-06T20:20:00.002+07:00

For the very first time, gue jujur sama diri gue sendiri kemarin. Dan untuk pertama kalinya, gue curhat sepanjang dan sejujur itu sama orang lain.

Dari kesimpulan yang didapat sih, gue tuh serakah. Pingin ini pingin itu pingin semuanya tapi ga pingin ngelakuin hal-hal agar bisa mendapatkan apa yang gue inginkan. Pokoknya gue harus langsung dapet apa yang gue mau gamau tau caranya gimana. Lalu, gue tuh jahat. Gue pingin tetep begini tetep begitu pokoknya semuanya tetap sama, tapi malah guenya yang berubah. Intinya?

"Gue egois ya?"
"Egois banget gila."

Maafin saya Tuhan, saya kesel.

2011-07-06T19:47:00.003+07:00

Maafkan saya ya Tuhan, tapi saya benci sekali sama dia.

Tadinya saya sayang sama dia, sama seperti rasa sayang saya ke orang-orang di lingkungan saya yang lain kok. Tapi saya capek Tuhan, dia muka dua. Saya berkali-kali dikecewakan dia ,Tuhan. Saya kira dia bisa menyimpan rahasia saya yang saya beberkan ke dia, ternyata dia tidak bisa Tuhan. Malah menurut saya, dia mengadu domba saya dan orang lain Tuhan. Masalahnya, saya aja yang bodoh, masih memberi dia beberapa kali kesempatan lagi untuk memperbaiki kesalahan. Ujung-ujungnya toh dia tetap mengecewakan saya.

Dia juga gatau diri Tuhan. Dia ga bisa menghargai usaha orang-orang disekitar dia yang berusaha keras agar bisa mendapatkan sesuatu yang mereka inginkan. Dia? Dia menggunakan cara yang curang Tuhan. Dia bisa mendapatkan segalanya tanpa usaha keras. Sebenarnya gapapa sih Tuhan cara itu, toh anak-anak sekarang juga lazim melakukannya. Tapi dia ga ada usaha Tuhan, setidaknya kan harus ada usaha dulu.. Kalo ga bisa ya baru dilakuin. Ya kan Tuhan?

Tuhan, dia menyebalkan Tuhan. Dia suka memanfaatkan kebaikan orang lain. Saya kasihan Tuhan sama orang-orang yang dimanfaatkan sama dia, karena saya tahu bagaimana rasanya berada di posisi orang yang dimanfaatkan. Dia datang ke orang-orang itu hanya pada saat dia butuh saja Tuhan, giliran dia seneng.. Mana mungkin dia inget mereka. Kasihan kan Tuhan, teman-temannya udah baik gitu malah terus-terusan dimanfaatin. Kok tega ya dia.

Tuhan, dia pengecut Tuhan. Dia suka ngomongin orang dibelakang. Dia juga suka menjelek-jelekan semua orang dibelakang layaknya dia manusia paling sempurna di muka bumi ini. Rasanya ingin sekali saya membelikan dia kaca Tuhan.

Tuhan, saya ga ngerti ini terjadi karena saya saking bencinya sama dia atau gimana, tapi entah kenapa, saya merasa bantuan dia atau perhatian dia selalu terasa tidak ikhlas Tuhan. Saya merasa ada sesuatu yang terselubung disetiap pertanyaan dia atau perhatian dia, seperti mengharapkan suatu imbalan. Saya tau saya dosa berprasangka buruk begini, tapi saya sudah dikecewakan berkali-kali Tuhan.. Maklumi saya ya Tuhan.

Tuhan, saya jadi bingung. Kalo saya menceritakan semua keburukan dia, saya bisa menghancurkan jari-jari saya Tuhan, karena itu bisa menjadi daftar yang sangat panjang. Intinya, saya benci dia Tuhan. Maafkan saya. Maafkan saya yang membenci ciptaan-Mu Tuhan. Maafkan saya yang suka menyumpah serapah tentang dia Tuhan. Abisan saya ga kuat, dia ga bisa dikasih tau Tuhan. Maafkan saya atas kekhilafan saya yang sepertinya akan terus terjadi hingga saya melihat dia mendapatkan balasan yang setimpal.

Maka dari itu, saya sangat memohon kepada-Mu, berikanlah balasan yang setimpal Tuhan. Balasan atas segala perlakuan dia ke saya Tuhan, balasan atas segala perlakuan dia ke teman-temannya ya Tuhan. Agar dia bisa mengerti betapa buruk dirinya dan agar saya juga bisa berhenti menyumpah serapah Tuhan.

Tuhan, doa orang yang teraniaya akan dikabulkan kan?
Amin.

2011-07-05T21:52:00.006+07:00

Ada pertanyaan untuk gue dan gue jawab,"gue gatau".
Jauh.. jauh didalam sana... di lubuk hati gue yang terdalam,
gue tau gue boong.

Sebenernya gue tau kok jawaban dari pertanyaan itu. Mudah sekali untuk dijawab.
Tapi sayangnya, walaupun mudah dijawab, pertanyaan yang baru saja dikemukakan adalah jenis pertanyaan yang sangat sulit untuk diakui.

Diakui apanya? Diakui kenyataannya bahwa gue tau jawabannya.

I swear, I (really wish I) don't know the answer.

2011-06-26T14:48:00.001+07:00

"Kami diam lagi. Kali ini aku tidak akan berusaha mencari kata-kata. Aku ingin mengatakan hal-hal seperti, dia pun sangat berarti. Kami berteman. Pertemanan ini sangat indah. Aku tidak ingin mengubah sesuatu apa pun yang sudah ada selama ini."

Forgiven, 2010.

Marriage

2011-06-24T09:14:00.000+07:00

Gue pingin nikah nih.

Kemarin BBM-an sama bahlul, mikirin pernikahan kami di masa depan. Nanti gue nikah duluan, terus bahlul nyanyi di nikahan gue. Bahlul bawa tunangannya di pernikahan gue buat dikenalin ke gue. Trus nanti akhirnya Bahlul nikah sama si tunangan itu. Gue, suami gue, dan anak gue nanti dateng jauh-jauh dari luar negri buat ngucapin selamat ke bahlul. Kata bahlul, gue kalo nikah nanti harus naikin berat badan 9 kg biar ga tepos. Tapi gue maunya turun 10 kg gimana dong..

Skip.

Gue saking pinginnya nikah, sepanjang perjalanan dari singapore ke Jakarta, gue habiskan untuk melamun dan menyetting pernikahan gue di pikiran gue. Yang pasti sih gue pingin soundtrack pernikahan gue itu "marry me"-nya Train. Terus terserah deh mau adat apa, asalkan setelah akad nikah, gue mau bikin private party di kebun atau di pantai. Terus.. Gue ngebayangin nanti temen-temen gue udah pada sukses semua.

Esther udah nikah sama gege trus punya anak 3,
Utit jadi pebisnis handal lulusan unpad,
Ikeh jadi kurus dan berprofesi sebagai pramugari,
Belina jadi presenter terkenal,
Prita jadi pskiater gaib,
Carli jadi model..... (bismillah car, bismillah),
Debby nikah sama Mojol dan hidup bahagia selamanya,
Deta jadi tinggi -_-,
Thia kerja di perminyakan,
Fay yayas masa depan terjamin karena mereka bakal nikah sama orang kaya,
Mirah jadi dokter gigi nikah sama gandhy,
Shynta jadi dokter berkutil,
Vyna masa depan masih diragukan,
Tania yang penting nikah sama polisi.

pokoknya sukseslah.

Gue ketawa-ketawa sendiri bayanginnya. Di satu sisi, gue gamau jadi gede. Tapi di sisi lain, gue bener-bener ngga bisa nunggu saat-saat dimana kami udah lama pisah terus akhirnya ngumpul lagi. Dimana semuanya udah bisa pake make up dan bisa pake high heels.

Terus nanti, bagian yang paling gue tunggu-tunggu itu pas MC-nya ngomong

"Kepada ciwek dan neutron, sekali lagi ciwek dan neutron, diharapkan naik ke panggung karena kami akan mengadakan foto bersama"

Ga sabar euy.

Anyway, segala hal about my marriage sudah gue setting dengan rapih, bahkan baju seperti apa yang bakal gue gunakan dan makanan apa saja yang akan tersaji di pernikahan gue.
Masalahnya adalah... Satu hal yang terlewat sama gue.
Satu hal dan dasar dari segalanya.

Siapa calon suami gue? (tanda tanya besar)

Kayaknya gue harus stop mikirin soal pernikahan gue. Mendingan gue mikirin yang paling deket dulu aja,

say hello kelas 12..
Halo UN. Halo SNMPTN. Halo intensif. Halo bimbel. Halo neraka.

Kalo inget udah mau kelas 12 gini, pilihan gue cuma dua. Antara pingin skip segalanya dan langsung dilamar sama calon suami gue terus nikah; atau mencari bagaimana caranya supaya bisa balik ke umur 1 tahun. When the hardest options of my life was picking a crayon.

Sepertinya gue benar-benar lebih baik memikirkan cara gimana caranya tidak melalu fase kelas 12, kuliah, dan segala tetek bengeknya daripada mikirin lauk apa yang bakalan ada di pernikahan gue.

Kadang-kadang, berharap itu ga selalu baik

2011-06-23T21:00:00.000+07:00

Pemberi Harapan Palsu itu ngga ada. Titik.
Nggamau didebat dan ga suka didebat sebelum opini gue didenger.
So keep reading and think.

Kenapa gue berkata seperti itu? Ya karena dalam beberapa kasus yang gue temukan, ga ada yang bener-bener ngasih harapan palsu. Adanya si peminta harapan palsu. Apa itu peminta harapan palsu?

Peminta harapan palsu itu sepertinya orang-orang yang haus akan belaian dan perhatian. Mereka adalah orang-orang yang put their expectations too high dan akhirnya jatuh karena expectation mereka ga ada yang sesuai dengan kenyataan yang terjadi. Sedikit ditanyain kabar atau diperhatiin, udah keburu kegeeran duluan dan taking a stupid conclusion dalam pikirannya mereka sendiri. Misalnya nih, baru disapa "apakabar?" atau baru ditanya "lagi ngapain?" mereka udah ngambil kesimpulan kalo si orang yang menanyakan kabar atau menanyakan keadaan itu menyukai mereka. That's simply stupid.

Lalu, si peminta harapan palsu akan merasa sangat tersakiti, merasa ditusuk-tusuk, merasa di apain kek yang lebay, ketika yang mereka harapkan itu ternyata tidak menjadi kenyataan. Si X malah jadian sama cewek lain, si Y ga bbm-bbm lagi, atau mungkin si Z yang mulai sering mengakhiri percakapan dengan hanya me-read bbm dari mereka. Mereka marah, kesal, kecewa, merasa dikhianati, dan dari mereka-lah timbul nama "Pemberi Harapan Palsu" karena mereka merasa diberi harapan palsu.

Right?

Sekali-sekali yuk berpikir pake logika.
Siapapun yang nge bbm lo itu, they don't love you, they're just trying to be nice. Maybe. Hello, you live in 2011 guys. Inget baik-baik, cowok dan cewek CAN be JUST friends. Kalo semua orang mikir kayak apa yang gue pikir, ga ada lagi orang galau di twitter.

So, apa yang bisa kita lakukan untuk menghilangkan para peminta harapan palsu? Buat cewek, don't ever put your expectation too high ketika lawan jenis lo nge-bbm lo. Buat cowok, cewek yang ngebales bbm lo itu ga berarti suka sama lo. It's all as simple as that, dan menghilanglah spesies peminta harapan palsu ataupun pemberi harapan palsu dari muka bumi ini dan menguranglah juga kira-kira 70% populasi orang galau di twitter karena masalah harap mengharap ini.

Kenapa Nad tiba-tiba nyerocos tentang pemberi harapan dan peminta harapan? Abis dikasih harapan palsu ya? Atau abis ngasih harapan palsu?

Yakagalah, gue bukan orang yang gampang suka sama orang lain dan gue bukan orang yang tega ngasih harapan ke orang lain (well.. I wish). Alasan gue randomly ngomong kayak gini adalah karena gue kesel, kayaknya sering banget orang galau cuma karena masalah-masalah sepele. Yaampun move the fuck on guys, masalah lo itu ibaratkan seupil tau ga. Masih banyak masalah orang-orang lain yang lebih berat dan lebih pantes buat digalauin. Bukannya mendingan kita mikirin world peace daripada mikirin harapan buat pribadi lo sendiri yang bahkan menyakiti lo?

2011-06-17T07:56:00.004+07:00

Tau ga? Layaknya penyakit, kebahagiaanpun bisa menular.

Y O Y?

2011-06-16T20:47:00.005+07:00

Boys, do you guys ever know that the simplest thing you do or you say could be mean a big thing for the girls? The way you open your car's door for us, the way you protect us, all the simple good morning or good night messages, the way you care to us, or anything. It's really a big thing.

Boys, do you guys ever know, the things you've said or you've done, could be repeating in the girls' mind over and over again just like a movie? We really remember every detail of your words that you've said or what you've done to us. Like, really. Every. Single. Detail.

Boys, do you guys ever know, we're not good at guessing? So, even we remember every single detail of the things you've said or you've done and even it was a big thing for us, we're not gonna know what do you mean if you don't tell us exactly what do you guys want us to know.

...

Just for your information, I am now trying to focusing on my book but I fucking can't. I'm holding this book in my hand but I'm stuck on this page without any single words that I read because my mind keeps focusing on every single detail of what you did and what you said and I just can't get them out off my mind and even this memory keeps repeating over and over and over again, I still don't know what you want me to know. Great.

Look at the good side. At least I can prove you that I'm still a girl, aight?

Clear enough?

2011-06-10T16:19:00.004+07:00

Kami anggap semua clear, mulai dari awal.

Tinggal tunggu aja siapa ternyata yang lebih dewasa diantara kita.
Kalian atau kami.

Jangan ngomong doang ya. Tunjukkin ke konsistenan kalian.

Percaya deh, kami ga bakal mulai kalo kalian ga mulai. Ga bakal ada asap kalo ga ada api, remember?

Trust

2011-06-04T22:13:00.004+07:00

There was a time when I trusted everyone but then one day I realize, believe in others easily isn't a good thing. I mean, I've been screwed over too many times before. Dan dari kesimpulan yang gue ambil, people can hurt me because I let them to. Like, gimana caranya your friends betray you kalo bukan karena lo yang terlalu percaya sama mereka?Bukankah adanya backstabbers juga karena salah gue yang terlalu mudah percaya sama orang? It was all those shits that happened to me which makes me don't want to trust people easily anymore.

I learned quickly that I need to be really careful who are the people I can really trust and who are the people who just want something. Now it really takes years to earn my trust, but once you break it, you'll never get it back anymore. Don't blame me for what I do now, this just my way to reducing the chance of getting hurt again. Because, you know sooner or later, everyone will hurt you.

You just have to figure out which people are worth the pain.

10 years

2011-05-25T20:52:00.004+07:00

Diawali dengan percakapan iseng-iseng gue sama anak-anak tadi disekolah. Kita ngomongin soal hidup masa kecil kita, dan salah satu cerita yang paling inget adalah gue memiliki tetangga yang namanya Itang. Gue suka manjat pager rumah gue, terus manggil-manggil itang. Gue sama dia dan sama fathur suka berpetualang, mainan tazos, mainan sepeda, sampe-sampe mandi pake selang bersama.Tapi akhirnya gue pindah rumah dan jadinya lost contact sama Itang.

Terus, mendadak gue inget sesuatu.

G : Prit, lo punya ade kelas yang namanya Faisal ga?
P : Kan gue dulu ade kelas elo. Ada kok, kenapa? Itu Itang yang lo ceritain?
G : Iya... Dia dipanggilnya itang bukan sih?
P : Kalo ga salah sih dirumah dulu dia dipanggilnya Itang, kalo disekolah dipanggilnya Ical.

Gue langsung galau. Gue bener-bener pingin banget ketemu sama si Itang ini, sahabat gue yang sudah lama menghilang. Terus malem harinya, akhirnya gue add bbm Itang. Gue beraniin nyapa dia duluan dan ternyata.... Dia bener-bener Itang yang dulu.

'ASDFGHGKHLQWERUTITOY ITANG!!!!!!!!!!' cuma itu yang ada di otak gue.

Kita akhirnya ngobrol. Panjang lebar ngalor ngidul. Komentar-komentar soal muka kita yang udah banyak berubah. Ngobrolin sekolahan, kabar keluarga, segala-segalanya diomongin. Dan lucunya, kita masih manggil pake nama kecil kita. Gue tetep manggil dia "Itang" dan dia tetep manggil gue "Dira" even though kami selalu protes kalo ada yang manggil nama kami kayak gitu.

Aneh deh rasanya bicara sama orang yang rasanya a complete stranger though we both used to be a best friend. Dulu kayaknya gue kenal dia banget sebaik dia kenal sama gue, sekarang? Inget nama panjangnya aja udah syukur alhamdulillah. Yes, Itang changed and so do I. People change as the time goes by, right? Semoga aja ya yang berubah ga banyak, semoga bisa kayak dulu lagi even we've changed.

Intinya dari cerita ini... Ga ada sih, cuma mau share kebahagiaan gue aja ketemu ama sahabat lama gue. Sahabat dari kecil, dari sejak gue masih pake baju monyet kalo kata nyokap gue. This is what we called a God's plan. Walaupun kita udah 10 tahun lost contact, tapi kalo Tuhan udah nakdirin kita ketemu, yasudah.

Takdir Tuhan emang unprecditable.
It could happen in anywhere, anytime. For anyone.
Siap-siap, sekarang giliran gue. Mungkin besok giliran lo untuk mendapatkan hadiah kecil dari Tuhan. Kalo kata Itang, "Tuhan memang gaul :D"

Sweet Disposition

2011-05-24T09:43:00.000+07:00

A moment,
A love,
A dream aloud,
A kiss,
A cry,
Our rights,
Our wrongs.

May, 20th 2011

2011-05-21T10:08:00.003+07:00

Happy birthday om Dido 'shahrukhkhan' Priadi yang paling ganteng sedunia!
Semoga papa panjang umur, banyak rezeki, sehat sentausa, bahagia dunia akhirat.
Semoga papa tetep bisa terkena pengaruh kedipan maut kakak.
Semoga papa bisa ngurangin kesibukan papa dan ngeluangin waktu papa buat kakak sama dede.
Semoga papa bisa sering ada dirumah.
Semoga papa ga sering-sering berangkat kerja subuh dan balik dini hari.
Semoga kakak bisa tetep jadi your little girl.
Semoga keinginan papa bisa menjadi kenyataan semuanya.

Anyway, papa bener kok. There's no man who's better than you. You're the only man I can depend on. That's why I want my unborn son and my husband to be like you.

Sorry for not saying this things right in front of you. The only reason why I don't admit it in front of you, is because I hate being cheesy. We both hate cheesy moments, don't we? Kayaknya sifat kakak yang unromantic ini turunan dari papa deh. Yang penting, what you have to know is that I'm proud to be your prettiest daughter (since you just have two kids, a boy and a girl, so I am the prettiest one automatically, right?) and I'm thanking God for having a dad like you.

P.S : Kakak sayang papa loh. Sayaaaaang bangeeeeet. Jangan sibuk-sibuk terus dong pa.

Coincidence

2011-05-19T07:29:00.001+07:00

It was that you can't ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. Coincidence, that's all anything ever is. And to get best friends like these people, is one of the best coincidence I've ever got.

L!

2011-05-17T06:26:00.003+07:00

Kenapasih lo rempong banget ngurusin hidup gue? Lo bukan siapa-siapa gue. Kenapa lo ga urusin hidup lo sendiri? Gue bisa kok ngurusin hidup gue. I know what's right and what's wrong for me, gue tau mana yang bisa jadi temen gue (dan lo tentu aja ga masuk dalam list teman), I also know what's good for me. Dan lo? You know nothing. Gue gamau hidup gue diikut campurin sama orang kayak lo yang gatau apapun about my life dan belaga seperti tau segalanya.

Just go ahead and hate me and run your mouth so everyone can hear. Try to hit me with the words you got and try to knock me down. Yes I'm a bitch. Yes I'm mean. And yes, I don't care. Get a fucking life, fucking loser.

Erdithia's 17th Bday Blast

2011-05-16T20:28:00.005+07:00

Saturday night, May 14th 2011, Barcode Kemang.
We were having so much fun. Thank you Ciweks and Neutron.
Specially Erdithia Sarah Marlon, the birthday girl, yang udah ngasih gue third cake (first cake for her dad and second cake for her mom) cuma gara-gara gue make wedges ke acara sweet seventeen-nya dia (gosh, you're old). Demi lo Thi, demi lo gue pake dress, gue dandan (even cuma lipstik sama bedak, plus eye liner dipakein mibaw), dan gue pake wedges. DEMI LO! Romantis kan gue?

So, happy 17th birthday Erdithia Sarah Marlon. Langgeng ya sama azzam-nya, semoga ga tambah lemot lagi, semoga tetap menjadi anak sultan. C&N love you <3